I’ve never been so consumed with work until now. My obsession with my job is reaching a new all time apex. The cost of this feeling is that I have no time to do anything in my personal life. All of the new hobbies that I started before this new wave of 15 hour days for 6 days in a row. Also, I’ve missed some birthdays and some good parties as well as a few good concerts. I usually have one day off. That is the day I spend with my girlfriend who is also like a hobby. I teach her to drive, help her find a job, do the whole emotional support thing all while getting all of my personal gaming time in.
Even though my paychecks have doubled week to week it is all going towards paying off debt. Debt that I so badly wished that I could extinguish when I had less income. So, it is times like these that I really like to think that my life will be getting easier in the future. That all of this crazy work schedule is going to get me somewhere. That someone important will notice that I am putting in my entire life force on the table just to get some work done. I won’t say that it is one way or another but one thing is for sure that the more sleep I lose and the more hours I work the less I feel connected to the real world. Which means I’ll slowly lose it one day at a time. My eyes will lose focus. I’ll go off on a rant in my head for 5 to 10 minutes. Then I’ll come out of it and feel grateful that my life doesn’t suck as much as it could given slightly different circumstances in my past.
But then again… I remember that one day I will die sad and alone. I wonder if I’ll look back at this time as total waste.
