January 26th, Let simmer for

So I just finished session 8 of my book. You see I write in sessions so I can count how many times I’ve actually sat down and wrote. I try to do a minimum of 1000 words which doesn’t seem like a lot but I really want to keep my goals simple so I can feel more accomplished as I go. 50 sessions equals 50,ooo words at least and If I write every other day I will have my book mostly done before I turn 26. I am still kind of baffeled at why I’m doing this. I’m not sure if anyone would want to read this crap anyways. Or what will happen once I’m done. I suppose I shouldn’t worry about that until I’m done. I feel like I need to take a week off from work and go to my godparents river house for a week to just grind out a ton of it. I’d be away from any video games or computers (except the laptop I’d bring with me.) and people to distract me. It would just be me and the river.

Now I need to go apply for a job.

January 18th, Lucky

So this weekend has been amazing so far.

Friday night I went to a poker game that had 2 tables and 18 people. This was my first poker game of the year. Usually the game is filled with some all stars who rock at poker. This time it was mostly people from work plus a few hot shots that came with them. I played really tight for the first few hours until a few dumb moves got me into some trouble. I ended up getting almost blinded out. Suddenly I had a great hand when everyone at the table called me to take me out. I ended up quadrupling up that hand. Also sobriety was on my side as I had been chugging red bulls all night. Everyone else was drunk. I ended up coming in third due to me combining with a few power houses from the previous table. Eventually we just chopped the winnings. There was a second game but I ended up breaking even in that game. Overall I won 80 bucks. Not bad at all.

The next day I got up and prepared to host my friends birthday party. I printed out a bunch of pictures from his myspace to post all over the place. The night started out really slow then quickly picked up. This girl that I have know for a while suddenly took a liking to me. I showed her my room and we killed some time together without being too obvious. I got her number but she hasn’t called me back yet. Something tells me that it might not work out. She seems way outta my league but…we’ll see. I do think she is insanely way too attractive.

Then today I just cleaned my house and hung out with my sister as we talked about life’s dilemmas. I got done playing Mirror Edge and I fucking hate it and love it at the same time. It complements my computer quite nicely though.

January 13th, Loosing sleep again

Fuck.

My job again…

I was told on Monday that they wouldn’t be hiring again for at least another year. The last two days I’ve been stewing over it. This is after I was assured that I would get my chance again really soon. This also after I had told those same people that I would believe it when I see it. Regardless, this still sucks a whole lot. I need to have a talk with my boss about what I need to improve on or what else I need to learn and become proficient in. I hope the answer is nothing.

From there, I will take my mandatory 2 month break to collect unemployment and discover new horizons. There is no point in sitting at a job just to get a paycheck. It is murder on the soul. Part of me wants to self destruct over this but there isn’t any point in doing that either. It’s hard for me to believe that the economy is to blame for this when the company that I work for is making record setting profits at the moment.

I feel even more justified since I have also already applied for 6 jobs over the last week as a back up plan. That was only in the case that I was denied directly. There are so many things I wish I could be doing instead of being at my job. So many new aspirations that I have. I really need to take some time to embrace them even if it means that I crash a little. I am so bad at relying on my own determination though. I need a light at the end of the tunnel. Some sort of trophy at the end of my marathons.

I think I can sleep now because I know how I will react to this.

Thanks for reading.

January 8th, The dawn of a new title

So over the last few days I have been applying all over the country to jobs in my related field. These jobs are in far away places that I have never visited in my life but I am willing to take the risk just to see what is out there. Places like Washington DC, Edmenton, San Deigo, and Orlando. I have been working in the video game industry for over four years and I am really close to attaining a permanent status at the job that I am at now. However, there is nothing new to learn at my job really. Sure the experience is great but I can’t keep all of my eggs in this basket anymore. It is foolish not to want to see what else is out there. I really can’t wait to see what happens.

If you look at the blogs from exactly a year ago, I was extatic about finally getting a real chance at landing a perminant job. Then after I didn’t get it I failed to follow up on my plan to GTFO of that place waving my middle finger in the air as I pursued more interesting horizons. This time I have truly learned from my past and I have been taking all of the steps I said I would take in preparation for rejection.

Yesterday, I took a mental inventory of all of my stuff and what it would take to move across the country. I have lived in Washington my whole life and often wondered if I would ever leave this place. When I was a kid I really wanted to take a road trip around the country just to see what else was out there. Maybe I would find a place that I took a liking to and would remain there. I never got around to taking that trip and I really wish I had when I had the means to do so. Regardless, it leaves me in this frame of mind. I suppose there is some value in staying in one place your whole life. There is something very wholesome about it that I can’t really explain. Eventually you become a local relic to anyone who is new to wherever you are. You end up letting the new stuff just come to you instead of seeking it out.

January 3rd, Waste

After my furnace exploded I am confining myself to my room because of my handy space heater. Anywhere else is too cold. Now I’m gonna waste the rest of my time watching movies and playing video games.

January 2nd, Reflections / Challenge 13

That was the name of an art contest that my elementary school would participate in. Students could pick a number of subjects to enter their work in like Photography or Visual Arts. My thing was always writing and I never fucking submited some stupid ass poem. One year I got second place which I was pretty stoked about. I remember what I won but I know first place went to some girl who I think did write a poem about her inspirational horse. Fuck that.

Poetry sucks. All of the poetry that I’ve ever written was either attempts at song lyrics or was for me. I don’t really want to read anyone’s  poems and I think its best that no one ever hear mine. It all sucks. Unless it’s in Japanese, a language that makes no fucking sense anyways.

So today was another one of those days where I think about where I went wrong in life. How the fuck I ended up where I am now. I suppose I’m not doing so bad but I feel that I have cheated my inner genius. Lazyness has been my personal road block throughout my life. So many things that I never got around to doing because I didn’t have enough drive or passion to do it. I have a bad habit of not doing a damn  thing unless I know what the payoff is. I suppose it should be good enough to just to have enough curiosity to what could happen after something is accomplished even if it turns out to be nothing.

So in tribal days, a guy like me would own some sort of dwelling by now or would be a scavanging roamer and have no home but would travel about the country. Nowadays I don’t own a dwelling yet I just sit in one spot from now till oblivion.

Challenge 13 Write a review of  a product that doesn’t exist (fuck another review…)

Sugar Soap is another one of those products that tries to be too many things at once and falls short in every category. So this shit is Shampoo, conditioner as well as toothpaste. That’s not all though. It is also a fucking anti-freeze/ coolant for your car. That’s right, the stuff you couldn’t feed to your dog is now so biologically safe that you can use it to clean yourself. The problem is that it tastes horrible. It comes in two flavors, bubble gum and blue raspberry. Both which have never been appetizing nor has it proven to be a decent fragrance to emanate off of someones head. Not only that but it builds up in your radiator. I had to scrape some of this gunk that it left behind in my radiator with a metal hanger.  That same build-up is going to end up in your scalp and teeth if you don’t rinse properly.

I must say that a little goes a long way with this stuff. It did keep my subaru from freezing over during the snow storms. $19.99 ain’t bad for twenty gallons of shampoo. I suppose if you are on a really friggin tight buget this stuff is for you. But if you can afford any type of mild luxury I highly suggest never purchasing.

January 1st, Year 2 post 90 / Challenge 12

I  feel the need to change this up a bit. Make it more readable. Like is something I want people to see. Then again, this is just another stupid blog about some random ass person. I suppose that isn’t necessary.Maybe I’ll be a bit more random and throw in some exaggerated bullshit.

Really all I’ve been doing is playing videogames all week on my vacation that I finally got paid for. I also wonder how plants would grow in space or how cats would react to zero gravity.  I imagine they would spin around alot trying not to fall on their back.

Man I am just not feeling it today. I so badly want to get in the grove of writing all of the time but, so much of the time I just don’t feel like I have anything interesting to say. Like my brain is full of cotton. The other day I tried writing a short movie script about a guy getting interrogated by a jester in an abandoned warehouse. The twist was that the guy was getting interrogated to confess to a murder that he didn’t commit but ironically ends up murdering the Jester. I might get back to that one, I got about a page into it than decided that my ideas were influenced by too many other things that weren’t my own ideas. I get that way a lot when trying to come up with something original. I tend to over analyse what I’m doing then come to the conclusion that I am ripping off something I saw or heard before. Then again, aren’t we all just products of our environment? Or are we simply products? I suppose we are whatever we think we are…

Challenge 12: Write a review for a move that doesn’t exist.
Tap That Ass is a teenage comedy about a bunch of Magic: the Gathering players that form a team of porn stars to win a world tournament. First of all this movie is a complete waste of time. I you know anything about Magic players you know that they are the worst type of geek out there. In fact even the brief mention of them is an utter waste of time. Also the likelihood of these types of people being capable of interacting with someone of the opposite sex is impossible. It’s like getting a 10th edition booster pack and finding a 3rd edition Jesters Cap. The movie bases this concept around the fact that nerds could not compete with attractive females because they would be too distracted to play cards. The acting is total crap and the plot is predictably heroic.  See any other movie this season.