It has been, few days but I am feeling really good. However after last weekend I find myself in kind of a jam. So it seems. That I won’t be seeing that girl I was seeing about a month ago. I am picking her up from a far off place. She doesn’t know it yet. We still need to talk about some things. I met another…actually I met a few girls last weekend at SakuraCon that I have a lot more in common with. That being they were all total nerds. Which will be too bad because the sex was really fun. Unfortunately, that was about it. The rest was very confusing and hard to deal with. Sort of boring in my eyes. I don’t like feeling bored around people. Hopefully the devastation won’t be too epic.
Cartoonland: Staffing at SakuraCon
Last year a co-worker of mine wanted me to go to this anime convention in Seattle. It didn’t seem like something I would pay for. I barely knew what was happening in the anime world. My specialty has always been Video Games. He told me not to worry as long as I agreed to work as staff. Staffing isn’t hard really. You just help out with whatever needs to get done at the moment and the rest of the time you can just fuck off and enjoy a free three day pass that would normally cost $40. My obligation was to help run the Console Gaming room. Not a hard task at all considering I would have a base that belonged to us…the gaming elite.
This year was much better than last. Mostly because I knew what to expect. This was a there day endurance mission. The Goal: Sleep as little as possible and do as much as possible. So here I go.
Day 1: I got off work at five to help set up for awhile. I checked games in and out to people who wanted to just chill out for a while. Most people wanted to play Smash Bros. Brawl. Then someone had the bright idea to run a Gulty Gear tournament. They split after they realized that they didn’t know how to run a tournament. So I helped out a bit to get things running until the Seattle Competitive Gaming community showed up to get finish the thing off. Then I watched some AMV’s while I wandered around for a long while. All of my friends were really drunk at this point. I was not. That was the night before which is a whole ‘nother post that will never happen. So it gets to about midnight and I wanted to do something. In the card game room they had a Munchkin tournament. So I sat in there for a while. At the table was a guy in a lab coat. To his right there was a bubbly girl that was into who knows what. To her right was me. To my right, a creepy dude who kept cheating and finally a quiet girl who had never played before. I talk about her later.
Behind us were a couple of game designers from Salt Lake. I started talking with them for a while about how interesting the game industry is. I tried to seem very interested for a while in there business until they asked me what I do. The immediate reaction was surprise followed by a “Man…we hate you.” So we started playing and we realized that the cards were not properly shuffled which made for a very uninteresting game. I left very tired and crashed at home.
Day 2:
This is where the real shit happens. So I show up at like, noonish or something. I then hurry up to the gaming room where everything is in working disarray. The Smash bros. tournament has just begun. I win my first round then get knocked out in the second round due to a major Gannondorf malfunction. For a while I didn’t feel like I fit in well enough so what I did is I went down to the exhibitors hall and bought a silly hat. It was a prinny hat from Disgaea. If you don’t know what anime conventions are like…the people at this thing like to dress like there favorite characters. Just imagine Halloween in the spring time if it was invaded by Japan with a touch of its own creepiness. Once I had my hat, a handful of the gaming staff wanted to get some drinks. We sat in this bar during happy hour to get mildly drunk. Then a challenge was proposed. We were to attend this speed dating thing at the Con and try to get as many phone numbers as possible. I did this. While I was there I met this girl dressed like a character from Final Fantasy 6. Another girl who makes her own armor and chain mail. As well as the quiet girl at the Munchkin table from the night before. I left with 6 phone numbers. The other guys had none. I had officially own’d them.
After that I went back up to the gaming room to chill out for a while before the Anime Rave that they throw. This is the dorkyest dance you will ever attend. I needed to track down my French friend because I was supposed to be his wing man so he could finally meet a nice american girl. I found him in some random pannel. I asked him, ” What the hell is this?” to which he replied, ” Just wait.” I looked around. We were the only two men in the panel. It turns out that it was the history of gay anime. So I sat around for awhile because I am not phased by this kind of thing. It got kind of boring actually so I punched him in the shoulder like the totally straight guy that I am and demanded that he go to the dance with me to hit on random girls. So we did. My job as wingman was quickly disintegrated because I met up with the girl that makes her own armor. She was gorgeous. So I danced with her for a few hours only to realize she wasn’t that into me. Plus she wanted to dance until 5 pm. I left starving. I went on an adventure to find food at 1 in the morning. After running around for a while to realize that everything was closed, I remembered that there was a box of breakfast bars in my car. I grabbed those then got myself an energy drink out of a vending machine. While I was wandering around I went back into the card room from the night before. There she was again, the quiet girl, playing munchkin. I asked her if she would meet me in the 4chan panel.
4chan is when things got a little crazy for a moment. I walk in and the guy at the head of the room with a mic says to me, “Holy shit, you’re staff!” to which I reply “Yeah, what do you care?” he says to me. ” Are you cool? You aren’t gonna report us or anything right?”
I say, “Why would I do that?”
“Great!” he says, ” Now come up on the stage.” I do what he says. “What do you have in your hand?”
“A box of Nutri-grain Bars and a Full Throttle.” I say.
“Awesome! Do you know what 4chan is?”
I say “No…”
“Hmm…Ok get off the stage and take off your shoe.” I do.
Then another guy walks over and takes his shoe off. We were ordered to trade shoes then throw them across the room to see who could throw the furthest. I lost because I had to throw a fucking huge boot across the room. The host thanked us then had a girl flash her tits at us for participating.
I sat down while other shit went on. They start talking about Cosplay porn. Then the quiet girl shows up and asks what was going on. I say to her ” Just wait…”
They start showing this horribly made porn staring some girl that everyone knows. Lucky for me the quiet girl that I had invited wasn’t phased at all. So we got bored of all of these things and headed down to a classic anime theater where they were showing some really old Gundam movie. Thankfully it was really boring so I could pass out for an hour or two because at this time it was about 4 in the morning. I woke up and decided that I needed to get home. The girl I was with at the time wanted me to come get lunch with her and her mom the next day. I agreed.
Day 3:
At this point my brain might as well had been made of Welch’s Grape Jelly due to lack of sleep and frankly all reality. Knowing this my roommates had stayed overnight and had not slept in about 24 hours by the time I had arrived. I went up to the gaming room for a while until I got a call from that quiet girl. She wanted to go get lunch. So I met her at this restaurant and ate lunch with her and her mother. Apparently it was supposed to be a free lunch for her brother but he didn’t show up. So the free meal was gifted over to me. We hung out for a while until I had to break down the gaming room. I told her that I wanted to see her again. Later this week we went on a date, this is the other girl that I am interested in that I had mentioned earlier in the blog. By the time the whole thing was over I sat in the broken down gaming room while I messed around with a label maker. Overall it was really run and I can’t imagine what next year will be like.
Challenge 6: Re-Write a famous speech from history. JFK’s inaugural address
Fellow citizens, I’m your new fucking president. Here we are in the 1960’s. Modern technology is improving at a staggering rate. Fortunately, it is being progressed by the greatest free country in the world. I mean shit. We won the second World War right. Those guys would have been fucked without us. We didn’t do it because it was some simple shit, we did it because it was hard as hell. Now I say we work harder like the awesome bitches that we are. We could really fuck with those soviet cunts if we landed on the moon and claimed it for america before there bitch asses could. Hold on, I gotta sip on some of this fine scotch that I got last night. >Sip<
Ahh, now that the shit right there. Anyway, yeah so you guys, America, should let every other county know that we’ll be the ones to help out when any other awesome country starts to suck. And we’ll be the ones to kick the shit outta any other assholes that want to shit all over liberty or any other type of freedom we decide is sweet enough to print on money. So to get this shit started we should arm ourselves to the teeth so we never have to fuck with anyone. All them bitches will be to scared to front us or show faces of discontent because we know we will just bomb the shit outta their asses. Trust me, it will totally work.
Anyway, go to school you shits. I went to fucking Harvard and now I’m fucking president! How about that shit right there. Yeah…So shit, thanks for not voting for that Nixon asshole. Peace.
